


somewhere back there i left my worries all behind

by Emmar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 09:38:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3442334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmar/pseuds/Emmar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Potter, nee Evans, comes flying through the floo into Remus Lupin's tiny one-bedroom flat, hands him her squalling baby and promptly bursts into tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	somewhere back there i left my worries all behind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [punkrockbadger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkrockbadger/gifts).



> apparently when i thought 'i want to write something to cheer akshath up' my brain interpreted that as 'ah yes, something sad. good choice.'

Lily Potter, nee Evans, comes flying through the floo into Remus Lupin's tiny one-bedroom flat, hands him her squalling baby and promptly bursts into tears.

Remus, as well as he ever is, curls his arms around the child, startled, and says, "Lily?"  
"James," she manages, through her wracking sobs.  
"You were under Fidelius," he says, and doesn't recognise his own voice, cold and flat, but he does recognise the anger that rises in him, icy and sharp, and remembers the last time he felt it, at the end of sixth year.  
"It was Peter. We switched, Remus, we didn't think anyone would ever think it was Peter--"  
"You didn't trust me," he says, anger washing away now into a softer, more resigned sense of betrayal. Of course they hadn't trusted him - nobody did, these days, but Dumbledore.  
"It wasn't about that," Lily says, and finally sits beside him on the ratty sofa, puts her face in her hands. "God, Remus, what am I going to do?"  
"We'll figure something out," he says, and juggles Harry ever so carefully until he can put a hand on her knee. The fact that he said _we_ and not _you_ doesn't even register in his mind.  
"Thank you," Lily says, quiet and tired and empty. "I should--"  
"Rest," Remus tells her firmly. "I'm sure I can manage Harry for a couple of hours. And once he's asleep, I'll go to Godric's Hollow and-- Clear up."  
"I should do that," she says, and he shakes his head.  
"Go to sleep, Lily. Everything will work out. I promise."

(He spends a long time later that night curled up on the sofa, crying so hard he can't breath, trying to keep quiet and not wake the baby, and mercifully doesn't dream.)

\---

Lily firecalls Sirius the next morning, and though Remus knows she slept, you wouldn't know it from looking at her. There are bags under her eyes, her hair hasn't seen a brush since she rolled out of Remus' bed twenty minutes ago, and her hands are shaking, ever so slightly. Sirius takes one look at her face, loses what little colour there ever is in his own, and says, "I'm coming through."

"Honestly," says Remus, with as much cheer as he can muster, handing Harry over to his godfather, "if we're going to have a sleepover, I'd rather it were at yours, you know, Pads. This place really isn't big enough."  
"Of course it's not," says Sirius, briskly, clipped tone belied by the silly faces he's pulling at the baby. "As if I'd leave any of you alone right now."  
"Sirius," starts Lily, but closes her mouth when he turns to face her. Then she looks to Remus, and he shrugs; arguing with Sirius when he gets an idea in his head never works out well, not when it's important.

Sirius packs Remus' things into a single bag with a flick of his wand, then does the same for Lily and Harry's, and they spend the rest of the day airing out the spare rooms in Sirius' flat and playing with the baby, and none of them mention James. If a big black dog crawls into Remus' bed in the early hours, well, that's nobody's business but theirs.

\---

Peter Pettigrew is apprehended on November 3th and given the Dementor's Kiss the next morning, after confessing under Veritaserum. Bonfire Night in the newly-formed Black-Potter-Lupin household is quiet, exultant and grieving in equal measure.

\---

"Mama, mama! Pads cheating!"  
"Hands off those presents, Sirius Black!"  
"But _Lily_ ," whines the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and from the doorway, Remus Lupin laughs.  
"I really thought you'd have learnt by now, Pads," he murmurs, crossing the room and folding himself down onto the floor cross-legged beside Harry. Sirius makes a rude noise in the back of his throat.  
"Remus is here," he says, petulant. "Can I open presents _now_?"  
"If you hand them out," Lily allows, a queen presiding over her kingdom.

\---

“You know,” says Lily, the afternoon of Harry’s fourth birthday, “we should probably send him to school.”  
“What, a muggle one?” asks Sirius, eyebrows raised.  
“Didn’t do us any harm,” Remus says, dryly, and Sirius blows a raspberry at him.  
“There _are_ some families who are willing to teach other peoples’ kids as well as their own, you know.”  
Lily’s head swings around, and Remus can tell a lightbulb has just come on behind her eyes. “Molly Weasley’s got one Harry’s age, hasn’t she?”  
“And one a year younger,” Sirius says, clearly not seeing the point.  
“And,” says Remus, mind ticking over rapidly now, “twins a couple of years older. I’ll write her, if you like.”  
“Please,” Lily says, and leans over and kisses him on the cheek.  
“Oi!” says Sirius, “what about me?”  
“What _about_ you?” ask Lily and Remus, as one, and Remus has to avert his gaze lest he start to laugh. Not that it helps, because he knows exactly what Sirius’ face is going to look like.

Lily laughs like bells, and kisses Sirius on the cheek, too. “Thank you for the idea, Sirius. Now, I heard a scandalous rumour about cake?”

\---

Molly Weasley, it turns out, is more than happy to add another child to her home-schooling, basic as it is. Harry is apparently a delight.

“Really?” murmurs Lily, amused. “I’d love to know how she managed that.”  
“You have eaten Molly’s food, haven’t you?” says Sirius.  
“There is that.”

(Harry’s addition to the group and burgeoning friendship with Ron also protects the Weasley lad from his twin brothers’ pranks, for which Molly is eternally grateful. Apparently, they’ve gone back to trying it on with Percy, the next oldest, having clearly decided Ginny isn’t a fitting target.)

\---

“What if we’re not in the same house at Hogwarts?” Harry asks, agitated, as they wait on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters for the Weasleys, on September 1st, 1991. Remus and Sirius share a long look, then turn it on Lily, who rolls her eyes at them.

“You can still be friends with people in other houses, sweetheart,” she tells him. “I was, once.”

Harry, with all the intuition of an eleven-year-old, squints at her. “Once?”  
“We had a falling out,” is all she says, and Remus thinks that’s rather an understatement. “But I don’t think that’ll ever happen with you and Ron. Speaking of, morning, Molly!”

Hugs and kisses on the cheek are shared, and Sirius claps a hand on Ron’s shoulder. “Ready for Hogwarts?”  
“Yeah,” Ron says, and he and Harry share a look and a solemn nod.

\---

“There’s a girl in our year and she’s muggleborn and she’s really annoying,” Remus reads aloud, having been declared best at deciphering Harry’s spidery handwriting. “Her name’s Hermione Granger and she says she’s read loads of books about me but I think they’re all rubbish but I feel kind of sorry for her because I don’t think she has any friends and she’s nothing like Lavender or Parvati who are the other Gryffindor girls because they don’t care about books at all.”  
“Well, that was a mouthful,” says Lily.  
“You don’t have to tell me,” Remus says, with a quiet chuckle. “I seem to remember similar sentiments about a Gryffindor girl in _our_ year, once upon a time, don’t you, Pads?”  
“Oh, that Evans girl, thinks she’s so smart,” Sirius said, in a fair imitation of James’ voice, circa first year. “And here I thought Harry might make it to third year without any crushes, at least.”  
“Apparently not,” says Lily. “Tell him to be a little nicer to her - it’s hard work for muggleborns, after all.”

\---

“Mum! You didn’t say you’d be here!” Harry can’t quite seem to decide between embarrassed and elated, as he wraps his arms around his mother and hugs her tightly. “Hey, when did you cut your hair?”  
“I see we’ve raised you well,” Remus murmurs, amused, moving in for his own hug. “It took Sirius two days to notice.”  
“That’s just Sirius,” Harry says, wrinkling his nose. “Is he here too?”  
“Talking with McGonagall,” Lily says, smiling. “Hullo, Ron, Hermione. Looking after this one for us, are you?”  
“Boys are an awful lot of work, Mrs Potter,” Hermione says, tone long-suffering, and Lily laughs shortly.  
“You sound exactly like Remus used to,” she says.  
“Oi!” says Remus, more for form’s sake than anything else. “We’re here to take you home after the ball, if you like - your parents said yes too, Ron, Hermione. Have a bit of a proper Christmas.”

Remus keeps his memories of that Christmas close, the next year, when they’re all huddled in the awful, oppressive kitchen of Grimmauld Place.

\---

What should be Harry’s seventh year is a tense one for everyone, Remus and Lily and Sirius too caught up in Order work to truly worry about the three kids they’ve come to think of as theirs, running around the country doing god only knows what, Dumbledore’s portrait frustratingly close-mouthed, on the rare occasions they get to speak with him.

Remus will never, for as long as he lives, forget the heart-wrenching sound that escapes Lily’s throat on seeing her child limp in Hagrid’s arms. Nor, he thinks, the sheer relief on catching Harry up in his arms afterwards, warm and breathing and _alive_.

Hermione’s voice is shrill through her tears as she scolds Harry, whilst Ron just lays a hand across his shoulders and looks as though he’s never going to let go.

If Remus walks into the seventh year boys’ dorm the next morning to find the three of them in a tangle of limbs and sheets, Ron wearing Harry’s too-short pajama trousers and Hermione Ron’s over-large t-shirt, well. He, Lily and Sirius have to start trusting them _sometime_ , and now is as good as any.

(If he goes back into the common room where he and Lily and Sirius had spent the night on sofa cushions and kisses them both awake with the intention of making it something more, that's his business, isn't it?)


End file.
